Metroid: Other N
by Magigoomba
Summary: Samus Aran receives a distress call from an infested space station where a sergeant has gone missing and everyone aboard is clamoring for great pizza. She is aided in her quest by Corporal Doo. Loose parody of Metroid: Other M. Also includes secret game tipz.
1. Mother Brain? More Like Mother Pain!

METROID: OTHER N

CHAPTER 1: MOTHER BRAIN? MORE LIKE MOTHER PAIN!

Samus Aran looked at the big dino dude. Name was Mother Brain. And no, she didn't have anything to do with the MOTHER series. However, she was the mother to a bunch of clingy freakazoids. They were called…..Metroids. And there was only one left. But where was it?

Samus shot an ice beam. It froze Mother Brain's toe, but she broke free. Brain then proceeded to shoot a mouth laser at Samus. Samus had 1 hit point…..err, not much armor left. Mother Brain approached. "YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME? MUAHAHA! WHAT AN INTERESTING THOUGHT! GET IT? BECAUSE I'M A BRAIN, AND AS SUCH AM INQUIRING ABOUT THOUGHTS? EH. THE JOKE'S LOST ON YOU. RRRRAAGH!"

Suddenly, a green creature with fangs floated in. It was the last Metroid! Samus was happy to see it. But it was a lot bigger than when she last met it. She raised this Metroid, so it was good, I think. Then it grabbed onto Samus' head and ate it…whoops. Let's start over.

Okay, okay, fast forward, dino dude, freakazoids, inquiries regarding thought…..ah, here we are. The Metroid latched onto Samus and began to restore her energy. Mother Brain bellowed, "I COULDN'T HAVE PREDICTED THIS, EVEN WITH MY BIG BRAIN!"

Mother Brain was mad. She liked to predict things. She walked up to the Metroid and bit it. It deflated like a balloon. Samus yelled, "Noooo! That was my son! You will pay."

It turns out that not only did her energy get restored, Samus also got a weapon upgrade. It fired miniature Metroid snot blobs. "The Metroid Beam," Samus coined it in the heat of the battle.

Samus fired the Beam at Mother Brain. It got in her eye. She complained about not being all-seeing anymore, or some such garbage. Samus kept firing it until Mother Brain got all stickied up. Then she activated a bomb to destroy planet Zebes, the planet that was Mother Brain's base of operations. Samus was on this planet, obviously, so she needed to escape. "I'LL GET YOU, ARAN!," yelled Mother Brain as Samus rolled into a ball and went down a hatch.

Samus emerged from a tube at the central landing point of Zebes. She stood on the rocky surface and glared at the twisted purple sky. Tall, rocky mountains penetrated the thick air. Samus snarled. This was a terrible place. She went to her ship. The elevator on the top lowered and the descended into the cockpit. Samus pressed a big green button that said GO. The four rockets under the ship lit up. Samus was gradually lifted towards the air. She looked down at Zebes, at the horrible creatures congregating at the landing point. Then she looked up and she was in space. "Whatever," Samus blurted out, "Not like I've never been in space before." The unprecedented remark was followed by the planet beneath her exploding.

"Another job done."

"RING. RING."

Samus picked up the reciever. "Hello?"

Samus' friend, Adam Malkovich, replied. "Sorry to bother you, but another problem has come up. Codename: Great Pizza."


	2. The Mystery About Great Pizza

METROID: OTHER N

CHAPTER 2: THE MYSTERY ABOUT "GREAT PIZZA"

Samus was not one to ignore a mission. She switched the coordinates on her ship and changed trajectory to go to Sector 1, the location of the distress call. Samus never got a break, but she didn't really mind. This kind of stuff was somewhat fun. She floated to the parking lot of the station, which was empty. She landed.

Samus walked in a door. She was in the main lab of Sector 1. There were a lot of doctors on the floor, all writhing in pain. Adam Malkovich was there. He began to speak. "Samus, we have a problem. When we started this mission to discover the source of the odd radio waves coming from this abandoned space station, we didn't know what we were getting into. There are aliens out there, Samus. Like spiders."

Samus suddenly remembered the spiders. They were small and spiky, with two large fangs. (Author Note: Those ARE called spiders, right?) "Yuck, I hate spiders!," Samus exclaimed.

"We all do, Samus. They've been attacking us day and night, and have eaten some of our best doctors. There's many other monsters out there, too. Anyway, we have another problem. We have no pizza."

"Why pizza, specifically?" Samus asked.

"It's the perfect food for eatin' on the job, Aran," Adam responded, "There is no mystery about great pizza."

"Anyway," he continued, "We did not bring enough to placate us on this long excursion. So, we ordered an intergalactic pizza man. His name was Shaggy. Somehow, he got lost somewhere in Sector 1. Now, our troops are starving, and only Shaggy can save them."

Samus gasped. "That's terrible! But not to worry. I can find Shaggy."

"Not alone, you can't. That is why I am assigning one of my top men to come with you. Corporal Doo?"

"Rooby rooby roo!," Corporal Doo exclaimed as he stepped out of the shadows, "Ret's rind Raggy!"

Samus looked at the dog with disdain. She sighed and accepted her mission. "We're all counting on you, Samus," Adam said, "Our lives rest in your hands."

Adam pressed a button. A door opened at the other side of the room. Samus began to walk toward the door, while Doo kept circling around her. Malkovich waved. This is going to be a long day, Samus thought to herself.

After walking down some long hallways, Corporal Doo barking and hollering the whole way through, Samus and Corporal Doo came to a scaffolding. Doo screamed and jumped into Samus' arms. Luckily, her Power Suit was very strong, so she could support the Corporal. Samus made him get down and scolded him. They began to walk across the scaffolding when it suddenly cracked!

Samus went plummeting. However, Corporal Doo looked down from above and shivered in fright. "A r-r-rug!," he shouted.

"Rug? I see no rug, Corporal," Samus said.

Then, Samus heard a buzzing noise. Then more buzzing noises. Uh-oh. BUGS! Samus pulled out her laser cannon. She blasted some of the bugs, but they kept coming. In the darkness, she saw a hive. She aimed at it and shot a missile. Boom, the hive went. Boom, the hive went again. The hive boomed one more time and fell into a pile of goop.

The remaining bugs approached. One latched on to Samus. She shot it off her head, but it hurt her as well. Corporal Doo howled. The bugs approached again…


	3. You Really Bug Me!

METROID: OTHER N

CHAPTER 3: YOU REALLY BUG ME!

Samus did not like bugs. They were sticky and weird. Also, there were too many of them to manage. A bug flew at her, and she did a Quick-Step at the last moment to avoid it. More bugs approached, and subsequent Quick-Steps were performed. All five of the bugs were in a circle formation. "Just the way I like 'em!" Samus said as she prepared a rocket.

The bugs approached slowly. As they entered Samus' range of fire, she shot the rocket. They all scattered, except for one who faced the full blunt force of the missile. "Dag," Samus said.

"Rag," Corporal Doo replied.

Samus looked through the bright visor of her helmet. It amplified her vision in the darkness. She spotted a bug. The bug did not spot her. Three left.

A bug bumped into Samus from behind. Samus lost some health and turned around. A laser penetrated the bug. Two left.

She caught a bug hiding in the corner. She fired a Metroid Beam at the bug, which made it stick to the floor. He was not strong enough to get out, and subsequently melted or something. Where was the last bug?

Samus looked around. She felt a weight shifting on her head. To her horror, the last bug was on her cranium, siphoning her fuel. She did not want to repeat the incident where she accidentally knocked herself over. To solve this situation, she rolled into a ball, crushing the bug beneath the deadly circle. That's all of them!

Samus looked to where Corporal Doo was standing and gave a thumbs-up. He was nowhere to be seen. Where could he have gone? Then, Samus heard a thumping noise behind her. A large, bipedal bug with two strong pillars of legs stood in front of the bounty hunter, taunting her. Suddenly, it jumped. Samus was in pain. There was no way she could defeat the creature with her laser gun this way! Suddenly, Corporal Doo came back.

"Ramus, rump on his read!," Doo said. He was holding a Burger King bag.

Samus had no hope left for normal tactics. In a fleeting moment, she hopped onto the beast's head. She thought it ironic how the tables have turned as she shot a missile at the beast's noggin. It exploded in a fiesta of green liquid.

Corporal Doo jumped down, sure that the pit was now safe. "Ramus, I rought Rurger Ring!," the cheery dog exclaimed, "Ror rou, I rot a rurger. Rand I rot a ricken and rapple ralad."

Samus questioned where Corporal Doo had procured the food from. Adam was holding on to it as a last ration, apparently. Samus then noticed two walls. "Hang on, Doo, we're going on a little trip."

She went up to the walls, Doo close behind. Suddenly, Samus grabbed him. Corporal Doo yelped. Samus jumped. Then she jumped again. She continued to bounce between the two walls until she was on the other side of the scaffolding. "Ray, we rade it! Row ret's reat!"

Samus pulled out the burger. She took off her helmet, if just for a moment, and placed it in her mouth. She moved her teeth as if the chew into the burger. Her teeth connected with the bun. They dug deeper and found meat. She bit down. The burger was moved away from her face. With the clump procured in her mouth, she began to chew. She then swallowed the burger bit. I'll eat some more in a moment, Samus pondered.

Corporal Doo took his chicken and apple salad. He dug in like a dog. He was a dog, so let's say he dug in like a pig. He gulped. "Mmmm.," went Doo. Suddenly, his face became exasperated. "Ruh-Roh…..RINDIGESTION!"

Samus was shocked. She put her helmet back on and grabbed Corporal Doo, running, running to the nearest bathroom. They made it just in time. Doo entered the men's room, and Samus could hear some very disturbing sounds that I will not dignify with a description. The Corporal then exited the bathroom. "Raah…..rut a relief!"

Samus sighed. Corporal Doo was a handful, and she wasn't even sure why he had to come. The lights flickered, and the power went out.

"Ruh-roh."

"Shut up."


End file.
